bride(zilla)

my name is gabi and i am a bridezilla.

they say that is the first step in the recovery process, to admit it.

so here i am, admiting it. i am a bridezilla.

ok, ok, maybe not a full blown bridezilla, but i can name a couple people out there who would identify me as a bridezilla (mom, dad, maybe even my own groom).

i didn’t want this to be me, i didn’t want to be the bride who cared about what type of printing she would use on her invitations or who cared who came to her bridal parties, but i think i might be.

i’ll be the first to say it, it is hard. it is hard to not care, especially when all you see out there are wedding blogs, magazines and Pinterest posts about  flowers, dresses, invitations, and decor. And well, you want it all.

after all, you want your day to be picture worthy–to be remembered.

but i am realizing a few things-i am realizing that this wedding day is more than just about flowers, lights, music, linens and chairs. I would even go as far as to say this day is more than just about me and my groom.

this day. well this day, is about me and Cameron honoring God, thanking God for his goodness in bringing us together, and displaying God and His sacrificial love.

again, i will admit–this is hard. especially when you like all things pretty (and expensive), when you are a bit OCD, super indecisive or when you are a people pleaser.

but each time i get worked up about something small, or get in a fight with my mom, or am disappointed about something wedding related, i hear a small whisper..

 

“this, none of this, is about you…

it isn’t even about you and Cameron becoming Mr. and Mrs. Grogan

but this, this it is about how your love for each other and your marriage after the wedding day will be a picture of the gospel for all to see.”

 

so here i am, a bride(zilla), who is beyond excited to get married to one heck of a loving man, who accepts me as i am. everyday i want to let him know how wonderful he is and how excited i am to see how the Lord will continue to work in our lives, in our family.

here i am, fighting against my human self who wants everything so perfect for my wedding day. but here i am allowing the Spirit to take over, because my God is greater and because He wants nothing more to be the center of our marriage.

here i am, asking for forgiveness when i am difficult and lose sight of the big picture.

and here i am giving thanks to my mom and dad for sacrificing more than i can imagine.

to my mom, who i know i have hurt in this process, i am sorry. i know i will never be able completely articulate it, but i am unbelievably grateful for you-and not just for what you have done for me in this process, but thankful for all that you have taught me–to always be a fighter, to never give up despite the disappointments life throws at you, and to love and care for all. thank you.

to my dad, the only man in my life for the last 28 years. i know you are sacrificing a lot for this whole thing to come to life, but i hope that you see it as a celebration of your girl entering life with a man who will take care of her in the same way you would, and for that, i hope it is worth it. we’ve taken a lot of walks together, papa–walks to the classroom, walks to the softball field, walks in the mall, walks on El Malecon, but the most important walk, will be the one we take down the aisle on December 5th.

here i am giving thanks for my brother, my family and friends.

to my brother, the other man in my life who protects and wants the best for me. i hope you know i will be taken care of.  i know you have great things coming your way, and i can’t wait to see all of them come to fruition.

to my family, each one of you has played a vital role in my life. from my cousins, to my aunts, to my late grandmother-each one has built me up and brought me so much joy. when i am with you, i feel like my true self, living in the spirit.

to my friends, who are loyal and who i love so much. thank you for being there for me and listening to all that i have to say. i don’t deserve you all.

finally, here i am praising God for bringing me Cameron. you’ve turned my world upside down, in the best way possible. i can’t wait to start my life with you–to grow, to learn, to laugh, to see the world, to run the race with endurance that God has set before us…

as husband and wife.

 

 

2 thoughts on “bride(zilla)

  1. You both are very loved and I am thankful for God having brought both of you together!
    Thank you Gabs for all your words.
    Mom

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